The Old Barn

Whether it was at Farm A or Farm B, in regards to my farm life, there is little better than the memory of the old barns. I remember not too too long ago (less than 20 years ago anyway) being able to go to the barn and just be. Most of the time I had to clean pens, feed calves, milk cows (and not the fancy 'with a machine' way, hand milking). Then there were the chickens that were mostly my brother's responsibility, I should blog about that for sure! And we had the occassional sheep, goats, never any horses, I always wanted horses. We had lots of pigs.....lots and lots of pigs. We had a farrow to finish operation. We would stay with the pigs while they had their piglets. Sometimes it was difficult to watch. Many times one would come out not able to stretch out of its sack and needed a little intervention. Some would get out and only had enough strength to do just that. We had to rub them and give a gentle shake to 'wake' it up. I remember staying up in shifts to watch the 'new mothers' and be there for them, maybe to help the little ones, maybe to be a 'coach' for the first time mommy's.

But I digress, that is for another blog (I have got a lot of blogging to do). I would take a little extra time feeding the animals, making sure they felt wanted. Making sure they got everything they needed. I wanted to make certain that each animal was taken care of. Now looking back, this was a farm. An operational farm. I knew deep down that these weren't pets. It about killed me the first day the loading truck came to take the now grown and 'ready stock' away. But I loved being in the barn. After the snorts and moo's were calmed with ample food I was able to take time for me. The loft above the barn (an attic of sorts) held the hay/straw that needed to be put down for the animals. A large 'picture window' (actually the spot where the conveyor dumped the newly bailed hay/straw) was my favorite place to sit. I remember sitting and watching the cars go by...not that many on an old country road. Thinking about the hows and whys of the world that I hadn't yet figured out on my own and hadn't yet gotten the nerve to ask either my siblings or parents. With the smell of the animals below (sounds crazy but there is sucha thing as fresh country air) and the soft breeze blowing. Not many cares in the world....ah those were the days. I wouldn't trade my life today for anything but I wish I had realized then what peace there was in silence.

I would sometimes go to the old barn and just reflect. About something that I didn't think was right, how I had to work so hard for some things and younger siblings had it handed to them, how no matter how hard I tried it seemed I couldn't be as good as, pretty as, or as popular as older siblings. How I knew God was out there, smiling down on me, but why?! I could sit and talk, really talk to God but mostly just sit and listen. Oh how I miss the old barn.

My old barn now-a-days is in the form of adoration at the nearby church. I miss just being able to run out and scream, just sit and watch the world go by, not have to 'make an appointment' to visit with God. I know I can go anytime, not just my committed hour but how nice it was just to go whenever and sometimes even find myself there in the old barn and for no other reason but I went for a walk.